Love Everlasting

An ailing husband with lung cancer that has mestisized throughout his entire body lays in bed coughing as if his entire insides are going to be expunged. At his bedside his wife, which not only takes care of him, but also has to watch him die a slow miserable death. There were many happy times in their marriage, but before he got this bad, he made her promise that she would not let him loose his dignity. Now at his bedside, she remembered this after the coughing echoed in her head. She sadly started to inject him with morphine, until he overdosed and died. This was the scene from one of the recent episodes of "Mujeres Assesinas". Sadly, she was eventually accused of murder.

Earlier that day before I sat to watch this episode. I was discussing the similar situation with my friend. Her friend had just passed away from cancer, but her husband seemed like he had been waiting for it for weeks, so to outsiders he seemed insensitive about her death and relieved. But how does a husband or wife deal with their spouse dying? Having a chronic illness myself, it sometimes is hard to bring my problem into another person's life. I feel that they have to accept me as a package, because there will be moments where the road will get tough to deal with, but like most adults I would like to make an attempt to live a so called "normal" life, so I think that mutual love will make things easier and tolerable.

I learned this from watching my grandparents as a child. The last memories I have of my grandpa is of him paralyzed from the right side and my grandma taking care of his every need. Since the day he decided to court her to the day she had to help him shave they loved each other immensely. He was paralyzed for many years and when my grandpa eventually passed away, it was tough on my grandma, but I know she did the best she could for him. At 10 years old I actually understood this and I always admired the way my grandma spoke to him and handled him with care. Their love was of the old fashioned kind and my grandma was a very caring woman. 20 years later, my grandma lives without my grandpa, but I know that she has never forgotten their love.

This is the type of love that is everlasting, so that is why I take the institution of marriage very seriously, because it will get tested along the way. As a Lupus patient, I know that my life can be overwhelming because of my everyday issues and so I believe that my partner will have to have the same strength as I have, to deal with me everyday. This is much to ask from someone, but it is reality. Like the woman in Mujeres Assesinas, love will be tested in one form or the other. Yet, I can not judge her because I don't know how I will react when I'm put in that situation. So my Rundown is that sometimes before diving into marriage we need to take a step back and evaluate the whole picture, because it is a very important decision that will follow you for the rest of your life.

Mr. Nice Guy

As I walked into the hot steamy club at Nationals Sports Bar, I realized it had been awhile since I had been in this type of scene in the South Bay and I definitely felt under dressed, but then again not really. I was awed at how they converted this sports bar into a crazy 18 and over night club. I know this might sound pompous, but as I looked around the place it seemed a little ghetto and I knew this place was going to be a hilarious experience. Tailgating since 9am in the morning, now 11pm my legs and I were pooped and weak. I let my friend drag me here because it was her birthday and since she's a Mom she doesn't get out much, so I had to remind myself why I was here quite a few times. She wanted to come to this particular club because my her husband's friends and brother, "Mr. Nice guy", were going to be here. She previously had told me about Mr. Nice Guy and how it would be nice if we would hang out and it was then that I knew she was playing matchmaker. Sometimes married couples feel that two nice people should belong together and although it might be true, I believe that being a friend with someone and dating them are sometimes two very different things, and that's why I'm not too open to the matchmaking experience, but in this case since it was her birthday I didn't want to say anything just yet and tried having an open mind about the situation. Especially since I knew that they had definitely discussed me with him as well. At least the guy was cutesy and in his mid-thirties, but I later learned these were the only two good qualities.

Almost immediately, I was approached by a gangster type guy and so I went with the flow and let him "rap" to me so I wouldn't create an enemy so early in the night. I thought he was pretty hilarious and so I wouldn't hurt his feelings I took his number, but of course did not save it. The cherry on top came when he made the finger phone to his ear and mouth and told me to call him with a wink. I wanted to laugh so hard, because I had just met "the smooth operator".

When we finally found the husband's friends I noticed that they were lined up against a rail, watching the young girls dance, which is pretty typical at a club, but I was surprised when Mr. Nice Guy didn't approach me to say hello, especially since he wanted to "hang out with me and get to know me". I just smiled and said to myself "strike one". I would never want to hang out with someone that's not into me.

Since I would be driving myself home I decided not to drink but by this time I needed a drink really bad. I headed to the bar and bought my friend and I a drink. When we returned I finally said hello to Mr. Nice Guy. Afterwards my friend's husband and Mr. Nice Guy left to the bar and came back with three drinks. Apparently Mr. Nice Guy bought a round of drinks but forgot about me and the only reason I realized this was because he said, "Oh I forgot you were there..." I wanted to laugh so hard. Not only did he forget the girl that he was trying to hook up with, but then didn't have the common sense to keep that fact to himself. I knew then why this guy ended up with the wrong ladies and how he was definitely seeing the world through tunnel vision, "Strike two". The "idiot" type of guy is definitely not my type. The matchmaking experience didn't get any better, he then returned to the rail to watch the slutty dance of the young girls. I just chuckled inside, when some young girl started to freak him, while he just stood there on the rail. He didn't try to do small talk, ask me to dance, or even look my way, and well folks that would be "strike three".

The music at the club was not that great and I was asked to dance by someone in Mr. Nice Guy's group, since I was talking to my friend I told the guy, a.k.a. Sober, "maybe later". The then managed to pull me to the dance floor, in order to avoid further embarrassment I just danced. Sober, was clueless as to why I didn't want to dance with him, since he was not drunk or doesn't drink at all, he didn't understand why I was not interested in him. I was amazed at his feeling of entitlement that he was at an advantage to be liked and accepted because he didn't consume alcohol. I understood the logic in a club, but by no means does this give him the right to pull me by the arm and snatch my purse from the other. As much as a tough girl as I am I was a little freaked, because I had just met this guy.
I couldn't believe how clueless these Sober and Mr. Nice Guy were or was it that I'm used to hanging around places where guys aren't so aggressive and women don't have to beg for attention. Either way I reminded myself that I was here for my friend and took a deep breath.

Finally the end came and my friend was ready to leave. On our way out, Mr. Nice Guy gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I smiled nervously because I definitely didn't know where that came from. He then told me that he wanted to hang out with me and that I shouldn't be so quiet. I said "Yeah sure lets definitely hang out sometime..." At that point I knew that to go on a date with this guy would definitely be stooping really low. I rather go to dinner with myself. I don't know if he was an idiot or just not into me or both.

I always wondered why "Nice" guys ended up getting their hearts broken or why they were involved in bad relationships with bitches, but after meeting one of these "nice" guys and I now understand why they are either single or date the wrong women. Mr. Nice Guy might be an awesome nice guy, but when it comes to women he does not know how to play his cards right and if he ever wants to date a decent mature woman he will have to learn somehow, but lucky for him I've given up my teacher role.

My rundown is that married couples sometimes have a different perspective on life, because unlike us single people, they have found what they are looking for. Even though married couples have the best intentions in mind and they want others to find the same, sometimes two single nice people just don't belong together because they are just not each others type. I'm in my Thirties, so I pretty much know what I want and don't want in a relationship, because I've been there and done all of that, so I don't deal with BS. That could be the reason why I'm single, but I am determined to find true love. Some might call me a dreamer, but I know its out there and wasting my time with supposedly nice guys which are clueless about dating or pursuing women is not an option for me. Nice guys are great and awesome, but not all of them are datable.