Mr. Nice Guy

As I walked into the hot steamy club at Nationals Sports Bar, I realized it had been awhile since I had been in this type of scene in the South Bay and I definitely felt under dressed, but then again not really. I was awed at how they converted this sports bar into a crazy 18 and over night club. I know this might sound pompous, but as I looked around the place it seemed a little ghetto and I knew this place was going to be a hilarious experience. Tailgating since 9am in the morning, now 11pm my legs and I were pooped and weak. I let my friend drag me here because it was her birthday and since she's a Mom she doesn't get out much, so I had to remind myself why I was here quite a few times. She wanted to come to this particular club because my her husband's friends and brother, "Mr. Nice guy", were going to be here. She previously had told me about Mr. Nice Guy and how it would be nice if we would hang out and it was then that I knew she was playing matchmaker. Sometimes married couples feel that two nice people should belong together and although it might be true, I believe that being a friend with someone and dating them are sometimes two very different things, and that's why I'm not too open to the matchmaking experience, but in this case since it was her birthday I didn't want to say anything just yet and tried having an open mind about the situation. Especially since I knew that they had definitely discussed me with him as well. At least the guy was cutesy and in his mid-thirties, but I later learned these were the only two good qualities.

Almost immediately, I was approached by a gangster type guy and so I went with the flow and let him "rap" to me so I wouldn't create an enemy so early in the night. I thought he was pretty hilarious and so I wouldn't hurt his feelings I took his number, but of course did not save it. The cherry on top came when he made the finger phone to his ear and mouth and told me to call him with a wink. I wanted to laugh so hard, because I had just met "the smooth operator".

When we finally found the husband's friends I noticed that they were lined up against a rail, watching the young girls dance, which is pretty typical at a club, but I was surprised when Mr. Nice Guy didn't approach me to say hello, especially since he wanted to "hang out with me and get to know me". I just smiled and said to myself "strike one". I would never want to hang out with someone that's not into me.

Since I would be driving myself home I decided not to drink but by this time I needed a drink really bad. I headed to the bar and bought my friend and I a drink. When we returned I finally said hello to Mr. Nice Guy. Afterwards my friend's husband and Mr. Nice Guy left to the bar and came back with three drinks. Apparently Mr. Nice Guy bought a round of drinks but forgot about me and the only reason I realized this was because he said, "Oh I forgot you were there..." I wanted to laugh so hard. Not only did he forget the girl that he was trying to hook up with, but then didn't have the common sense to keep that fact to himself. I knew then why this guy ended up with the wrong ladies and how he was definitely seeing the world through tunnel vision, "Strike two". The "idiot" type of guy is definitely not my type. The matchmaking experience didn't get any better, he then returned to the rail to watch the slutty dance of the young girls. I just chuckled inside, when some young girl started to freak him, while he just stood there on the rail. He didn't try to do small talk, ask me to dance, or even look my way, and well folks that would be "strike three".

The music at the club was not that great and I was asked to dance by someone in Mr. Nice Guy's group, since I was talking to my friend I told the guy, a.k.a. Sober, "maybe later". The then managed to pull me to the dance floor, in order to avoid further embarrassment I just danced. Sober, was clueless as to why I didn't want to dance with him, since he was not drunk or doesn't drink at all, he didn't understand why I was not interested in him. I was amazed at his feeling of entitlement that he was at an advantage to be liked and accepted because he didn't consume alcohol. I understood the logic in a club, but by no means does this give him the right to pull me by the arm and snatch my purse from the other. As much as a tough girl as I am I was a little freaked, because I had just met this guy.
I couldn't believe how clueless these Sober and Mr. Nice Guy were or was it that I'm used to hanging around places where guys aren't so aggressive and women don't have to beg for attention. Either way I reminded myself that I was here for my friend and took a deep breath.

Finally the end came and my friend was ready to leave. On our way out, Mr. Nice Guy gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I smiled nervously because I definitely didn't know where that came from. He then told me that he wanted to hang out with me and that I shouldn't be so quiet. I said "Yeah sure lets definitely hang out sometime..." At that point I knew that to go on a date with this guy would definitely be stooping really low. I rather go to dinner with myself. I don't know if he was an idiot or just not into me or both.

I always wondered why "Nice" guys ended up getting their hearts broken or why they were involved in bad relationships with bitches, but after meeting one of these "nice" guys and I now understand why they are either single or date the wrong women. Mr. Nice Guy might be an awesome nice guy, but when it comes to women he does not know how to play his cards right and if he ever wants to date a decent mature woman he will have to learn somehow, but lucky for him I've given up my teacher role.

My rundown is that married couples sometimes have a different perspective on life, because unlike us single people, they have found what they are looking for. Even though married couples have the best intentions in mind and they want others to find the same, sometimes two single nice people just don't belong together because they are just not each others type. I'm in my Thirties, so I pretty much know what I want and don't want in a relationship, because I've been there and done all of that, so I don't deal with BS. That could be the reason why I'm single, but I am determined to find true love. Some might call me a dreamer, but I know its out there and wasting my time with supposedly nice guys which are clueless about dating or pursuing women is not an option for me. Nice guys are great and awesome, but not all of them are datable.

Its Not That Complicated....

After hearing postive feedback from many of my friends, I finally decided to watch "Its Complicated". I was leery due to the fact that I knew it had to do about cheating spouses. But I was surprised at how hilarious it was, yet unlike most of my friends I loved the ending. I related to Meryl Streep's character, Jane, on so many levels. She went from "Dream girl to Doormat to Dream girl" and didn't even know it.

Dream girl, because her husband saw her that way when they got married, then doormat because that's when her husband started taking advantage of her and cheating on her. And then Dream girl again, because it was at that pivotal moment when her husband saw her in a new light, like when they had first met. But the lesson here is that she never changed, she always was that hardworking, smart, edgy, classy dream girl, except she only changed in her husband's eyes, when he lost faith in their marriage and became greedy. Not only does her husband cheat on Jane, but then marries the mistress and then years later decides he isn't happy with his marriage and realizes that it was all superficial. He starts to see his mistress for what she is a good looking bitchy, insensitive woman, that really doesn't care about his feelings.

It is then that he finally realizes that his ex-wife is a great woman and decides to romance her once again. I still laugh at her face when she wakes up the next morning in the same bed with him. She is filled with disgust, because for her the love is gone and it was just one of those things that an Ex never wants to actually happen. She had moved on, but just lonely at the moment and acted. Yet her husband sees her as the Dream girl she always was and always will be. Unfortunately, I have to say that I can relate with Jane on so many levels.

There was a period in my life when I was a doormat, not in the most extreme sense, but where I was passive and didn't know my ex-boyfriend was cheating on me. Yet, after all the drama and bitterness I only grew as a person and learned from the experience, which ironically only made me a better person. Years later I too have received phone calls from my Ex telling me how much he regrets what he did and will do anything for me to take him back and give him another chance. While part of me doesn't believe him, the most important part is that the love is gone. I have moved on, but also choose not to rekindle that flame. Sometimes in life there are time frames for certain things to take place and if they don't happen within that time then they will never be.

A friend once told me that when a spouse cheats on you the betrayal can be compared to that of a rape and it is for that reason that I can definitely relate as to why Jane didn't take her husband back and was so disgusted with having an affair with him. She didn't go back to yesterday's baggage, but started fresh with a new guy, Adam.

My grandma has this saying, "mejor estar sola que mal acompanada". "Better off alone, than in bad company." After all of my life experiences I now understand more than ever. I rather be single than live in an unhappy relationship where there isn't 100% commitment. And just like Jane I too would of chosen Adam, well a much younger cuter version of course.

Love Equals Pain & Suffering?

During a conversation I had with a coworker at my usual daily hangout, my cubicle, she described how a relative of hers defined love as pain and suffering and that it was best to stay away from it to avoid future heartbreak. I disregarded the conversation since I didn't agree. Later that day I received a phone call from an old guy friend and during our conversation on "catching up with our lives" he decided to share his perspective on marriage, because he had found a new theory. Since earlier that day I had already heard a pessimist view, I hesitantly listened to him. He told me he was an avid listener of Tom Leykis and he totally agreed on Leykis's views about marriage. Tom Leykis advices his listeners against marriage because he sees it as more or less unnecessary. Leykis says that he does whatever he wants with his life because he is not married and feels that all men should "protect" themselves and not get married, because it is all downhill after that. This almost made me chuckle, because being a veteran of a broken heart myself I know how to smell bitterness about a mile away. My broken heart was mended eons ago and so even though I too have experienced that pain and suffering my coworker was talking about it was soon mended when I realized that the love in the relationship was not mutual and that I had to move on.


Yet, coincidentally, that weekend while hanging out with a friend, she too began to share her views of marriage. She viewed marriage as just a unnecessary contract. While, I did agree with her on the fact that if two people are in love, a piece of paper should not validate their commitment to each other, I don't agree that marriage should be discounted all together. What about the vows that are made during marriage; "For richer or for poorer, through sickness and health, etc...?"

I'm thinking that perhaps everyone was missing the point and the bigger picture. Or is it that I am just a dreamer? But lets just say that their theory is true, could it be that all of the millions of people that get married every Saturday or elope to Vegas are just wasting their time and not being logical in their actions, since after all according to Tom Leykis it will all go to the dumps after that. Or could it really be that people that don't believe in marriage haven't found true love or mended their broken hearts? I'm leaning more towards this theory.

I'm thinking this debate can go on forever, but I do know that all the people that I know that are married are happy together. They describe marriage as a devotion they have made to each other and that they instantly knew that their significant other was the "one" almost right away. While they do agree that marriages consist of much compromise and effort from both parties, they are happy with their choice of getting married, because after all they are in love with each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together.

My rundown is that this makes more sense to me. While I must admit that at times I don't agree with all the hoopla of marriage, like matron of honor, ring bearers and so forth. I do believe in the idea that when you find that special someone that you fall in love with and picture growing old together than marriage is that ultimate promise you make to one another and things will work themselves out after that, because the feeling is mutual. I think that when love is mutual a commitment like marriage will not be an issue and will come effortlessly. Perhaps, if you truly don't believe in marriage you will never marry, but for all of those who do believe in putting that promise to one another on paper than I wish you happy hunting for your perfect match!

Playing Fair

In the movie 50 first dates Adam Sandler’s character, Henry, breaks up with his girlfriend by telling her that he is a spy that has to go undercover to another country so he will not be able to see her again. While this scene was upsetting to me, it made me realize how honesty and confrontation are really hard for some people to the point that they have to sort of weasel their way out of it and unless the other person finds out they are basically “Scott Free”. Or are they?

After talking to a friend that was recently dumped I was perplexed by her story. It is bad enough that breakups are hard to deal with, but for her the wound was worsened when she found out that her boyfriend had lied to her when he broke up with her. He initially told her he needed “space” and needed to find himself, yet two months later she found out he had a girlfriend. In reality he didn’t need any “space” he just didn’t want to be with her anymore. This made me wonder, “Is there a real way to break up with someone?” And how do you do it without hurting feelings? I think for some “Breaking up” is almost a necessary evil especially if the relationship is not healthy anymore or the spark is gone. Most of the time in a situation like this if both parties are “Adults” it will hurt, but their will be a mutual agreement.

My rundown is just to be as honest as possible, because not only are you being honest with the other person, but yourself as well. You have to treat others as you would like to be treated. When someone breaks up with you, how would you feel or how would you like to be treated?

As sad as breakups are, they are a reality and I’m pretty sure all of us have been on either end at one point or another so play nice.