Erica

Pale skin, short hair, and modelesque fashion sense, characterized the most free-spirited person I had met when I was 24 years old. I always looked at her with awe, since she was so opposite of me at the time. Even though she is no longer roaming the planet, her memory always stays with me. In those days I was the complete opposite of free spirited. I had a stable job as supervisor of a dental office, a boyfriend, a steady social life, but in retrospect my life was pretty bland. I was so focused on the finances and career that I forgot about the happiness and fun in life. Even my appearance was pretty bland. I wore blues and greys, didn't wear make-up only when I went out, was frugal with my accessories and my hair. Even though to some this might not seem as a big deal, but my persona inside was quite contrary. As the eldest child, I have always been responsible and a conservative thinker when it came to finances and risks. I never even conceived of changing my thinking or lead a life like Erica. At 20 years old, one day she was modeling, the next day she was a receptionist and she always had an idea for her next move. Even after she passed away we learned that she had just enlisted in the Navy about a month earlier. Even though that was an extreme life style, she was very happy with life and lived every moment according to her terms.

Putting it all in retrospect it all came down to one question she asked me in 2003, before she died that provided for that pivotal moment for me to question the way I was living my life at the time. My boyfriend at the time was always working late hours and we had been together for 5 years. One night while hanging out with my brother and Erica, she asked me, "Where is your boyfriend?" I answered, "At work." Then Erica responded, "then why are you with him, you should leave him." At the time I was a little confused, since I loved him and never thought about breaking up with him. I thought to myself, how easy to say that. We had been together for so many years and there was much invested in our relationship that I didn't think of leaving him. But what I didn't know then which I know now is that life is really that simple. It wasn't until Erica passed away and other life changing events that followed, that I realized that happiness should play an important role in your decision making. Because the truth was that I really wasn't happy at the time, just content.

I will never forget Erica. She gave me that fundamental question that is indeed so simple and true. I have some friends that are in relationships, careers, living circumstances that are not working for them, but yet they stay "there". I understand, because I too was "there" at one point in time, but I learned to do as I want versus do as others think or live life to please others. I now live life to please myself and then take the ideas of others (important to me) into consideration. This might sound selfish, but I think everyone with a goal or a need should do things for themselves one way or another. Although there are extremes in anything, it is not good to take advantage of others, but turning away those opportunities that don't benefit you is what makes this idea simple.

Life has thrown me several curve balls, but this idea has made it easier to come out of the hole when I hit rock bottom. At the end of the day it is what works for me and what I want out of life. What I do want is to laugh, enjoy and share my life with others. Now, after living with Lupus for 3 1/2 years I have really learned to appreciate this idea, because during the tough times, it helps simplify my decisions. I have so many limitations that I didn't have at 24 years old, but I do and enjoy so much more. My rundown is that you should find what works for you and you should do it. What others say or think could be taken into consideration, but in the end of it all you have the right to live life on your terms, because sometimes by worrying about others and your surroundings will prevent you from taking the risk to do what you want. And that will make things all too unnecessarily complicated.