Love Equals Pain & Suffering?

During a conversation I had with a coworker at my usual daily hangout, my cubicle, she described how a relative of hers defined love as pain and suffering and that it was best to stay away from it to avoid future heartbreak. I disregarded the conversation since I didn't agree. Later that day I received a phone call from an old guy friend and during our conversation on "catching up with our lives" he decided to share his perspective on marriage, because he had found a new theory. Since earlier that day I had already heard a pessimist view, I hesitantly listened to him. He told me he was an avid listener of Tom Leykis and he totally agreed on Leykis's views about marriage. Tom Leykis advices his listeners against marriage because he sees it as more or less unnecessary. Leykis says that he does whatever he wants with his life because he is not married and feels that all men should "protect" themselves and not get married, because it is all downhill after that. This almost made me chuckle, because being a veteran of a broken heart myself I know how to smell bitterness about a mile away. My broken heart was mended eons ago and so even though I too have experienced that pain and suffering my coworker was talking about it was soon mended when I realized that the love in the relationship was not mutual and that I had to move on.


Yet, coincidentally, that weekend while hanging out with a friend, she too began to share her views of marriage. She viewed marriage as just a unnecessary contract. While, I did agree with her on the fact that if two people are in love, a piece of paper should not validate their commitment to each other, I don't agree that marriage should be discounted all together. What about the vows that are made during marriage; "For richer or for poorer, through sickness and health, etc...?"

I'm thinking that perhaps everyone was missing the point and the bigger picture. Or is it that I am just a dreamer? But lets just say that their theory is true, could it be that all of the millions of people that get married every Saturday or elope to Vegas are just wasting their time and not being logical in their actions, since after all according to Tom Leykis it will all go to the dumps after that. Or could it really be that people that don't believe in marriage haven't found true love or mended their broken hearts? I'm leaning more towards this theory.

I'm thinking this debate can go on forever, but I do know that all the people that I know that are married are happy together. They describe marriage as a devotion they have made to each other and that they instantly knew that their significant other was the "one" almost right away. While they do agree that marriages consist of much compromise and effort from both parties, they are happy with their choice of getting married, because after all they are in love with each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together.

My rundown is that this makes more sense to me. While I must admit that at times I don't agree with all the hoopla of marriage, like matron of honor, ring bearers and so forth. I do believe in the idea that when you find that special someone that you fall in love with and picture growing old together than marriage is that ultimate promise you make to one another and things will work themselves out after that, because the feeling is mutual. I think that when love is mutual a commitment like marriage will not be an issue and will come effortlessly. Perhaps, if you truly don't believe in marriage you will never marry, but for all of those who do believe in putting that promise to one another on paper than I wish you happy hunting for your perfect match!

In My Past Life as a Workaholic

New Year’s Eve 2006, most Angelinos were getting off work early to rush home to put the champagne on ice, get ready and look good for the best party of the year, the coming of 2007. Yet, in a small apartment near Pico Blvd., the scene was very different. On this particular Saturday I was instead on my laptop, painstakingly trying to get my boss a flight out of Bali. On a last minute whim my ex-boss decided that she wanted to cut her trip short and since she was 10 hours ahead it was already the next day in Asia. So, instead of trying to find an outfit to wear to my friend’s New Year’s Eve party or find time to relax, I was making endless phone calls to travel agents, trying to find a nonstop flight from Bali to London, then London to LAX. My evening progressed as I starting pulling out my hairs and trying to call in favors because as everyone knows this type of request is almost impossible on New Year’s eve. Even though I eventually did find her a flight and got paid double time for the evening, I had to cancel my dinner plans and was late to my friend’s party. Time was wasted.

Like any other “good worker” dedicated to my career and getting the job done, I put all of my plans on hold, because I had to fix this crisis. Yet, this was an all too familiar site to see in my life as an executive assistant. I was always late to personal appointments, missed many friends’ birthday parties, and didn’t really get to see friends and family much. Eventually working 12 hour work days and weekends took the best of me and physically, I fell apart. So I consider this era in my life as hard lesson learned.

Recently, at my current job, my boss has started to make similar ludicrous demands. Yet, these demands are all too familiar to me and remind me of my past life as a workaholic. Yet even though I am still a “dedicated good worker” I already know the symptoms of a workaholic; you slowly start to fall into your boss’s mold, take on more projects since they are all urgent and need to be done right away, which leads to working long hours and before you know it you are stressed, tired, and unhappy. Perhaps to some this might not seem like an issue, but if these demands come from someone with their own agenda and you’re just the “working bee” in their get rich strategy, I think this is unfair to you the “good worker”. I have learned to say no and require a priority list that can be done within the 8 hour work day. Never again will I let a power money hungry individual run my life.

My rundown is that everyone has different goals in life and while I too want money and success, I will only do it if I enjoy my life along the way. I will not work 12 hour workdays just for the overtime money anymore, since there are so many other things to do in life, like having FUN and spending time with those that you love. So to all the workaholics out there, I wish you the best and I envy every minute of your dedication, because I too used to be like you.